To the End
by moshimellow
Summary: How far would Kanda go for Allen? Would he bear the burden of loving one who was not only cursed but tainted as well?


This fan-fiction was inspired by the song "To the End" by My Chemical Romance.

Be warned that this is not set in the same time frame as the actual story (some significant events are mentioned though), so don't be confused.

Disclaimer: If I owned DGray Man, Kanda and Allen would have long been a couple, Lenalee's skirt longer, Lavi in a love triangle with Allen etc.

-:- The First Cross -:-

Kanda noticed. The other exorcists did too. But they didn't see the littlest of things Kanda had noticed. The permanent smile the boy used to always his lips set in was replaced by a solemn frown. When Kanda called out for him, the smile he turned around with was forced. Ever since Allen Walker's identity was confirmed as the Fourteenth, he had changed.

Kanda missed his bright moyashi. At the sound of footsteps outside his room, he would fling open his door to find a frightened looking finder or exorcist outside, asking him what was wrong. Allen never came looking for him anymore. The absence of a small figure sitting next to Kanda in the meditation room was lonely.

One morning, Kanda walked into the cafeteria to find confusing disorder, exorcists and finders in crowds murmuring and glancing at him. Lavi ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders. "What happened to him? You must know; you're the boyfriend here!" Automatically Kanda unsheathed Mugen and Lavi let go of him but the question resounded in his head.

"What did Moyashi do?" he asked, _somehow_ knowing that the red head was talking about his lover. Lenalee joined their group and answered his question.

"A cross has appeared Kanda."

"A cross?"

Kanda started to ask what she meant but an image of Tyki Mikk, one of the Noahs he had met before flashed through his mind. Seven crosses.

Kanda twisted his body and ran out of the cafeteria, down the halls, up the stairs and bursting into Allen's room. "Moyashi!" he called frantically. It was certain that the boy was not in the room though, with its silent and lifeless atmosphere. Kanda noted that the bed sheets seemed perfectly folded and un-creased, as if they hadn't been slept on before.

Walking over, he brushed his long fingers across the cover. They came away with a layer of dust on them. _That stupid moyashi._ He punched a pillow in frustration.

"If he was this troubled, why didn't he come for me?" he asked. Shaking the dust off the pillow, he put it to his face and inhaled. There was still a faint sugary fragrance that the Moyashi emitted all the time. Only there was a foreign salty smell that Kanda and not sensed on his lover before.

He breathed deeper and something twisted inside him. His mind flashed back to a moment before the Ark happened. Back in the time of the past, where Allen was still innocent and loving, his smile genuine and his laugh constant. They had finally met each other after months of having missions in different locations.

Kanda had just walked into the cafeteria when a small silver rocket just shot towards him and bowled him over. He was stunned and shocked until he realised that the small rocket was warm and soft, snuggling and fitting perfectly in his arms. He smelt something salty and something wet seeping into his shirt.

They were Allen Walker's tears.

_Why was the beansprout so sad? _Kanda racked his brain for an answer. Maybe he did something wrong. Maybe his stubbornness and his inability to show affection hurt the small boy. That must be it. Kanda hated himself for his lack of feeling towards the world that had forsaken him. Allen Walker was like a small beam of sunshine that he had grasped onto, but now he was lost.

_And for the first time in my life, I despised the cruelty of my own thorns.*_

He blamed himself for the pain of the boy. He cut himself up for not supporting the frail figure of his lover when he found out that he was one with the beings that he was fighting against, all along. Kanda ran out of Allen's room. The young exorcist had not been seen for hours, and Kanda was worried that he would do something stupid.

On his way, he ran into Komui who confirmed that Allen was not inside the Ark. _So where could he be?_ Kanda checked the training rooms, the cafeteria, the kitchens, the baths but he could not find his beloved Moyashi.

Tired and frantic, he retreated to his room. The day was already ending, yet no one had glimpsed a sight of the beansprout. He opened his door and was faced with a petite figure framed in the shadows of his bed.

Allen Walker sat curled up on Kanda's pillow. His eyes opened as Kanda came into the room, no longer glowing with their once radiant silver.

"Moyashi…" Kanda groaned with relief and exhaustion. He closed the doors and went to sit next to his lover. Reaching up to stroke his pale cheek, Kanda was stabbed with pain when Allen recoiled at this action and looked uncomfortable. His pain was then replaced with a surge of anger at the other exorcist, partially because of his concern and partially because of the blunt rejection.

"What the fuck is your problem, you stupid Moyashi?! You made everyone worry about you!! You could have at least told someone where you were!" he shouted. At every word, Allen Walker flinched, his face contorted in pain and guilt. He refused to look his lover in the eye and stared instead at the concrete floor of Kanda's room. In the dimness of his room, Kanda made out the cross that marred the clear white skin of his lover.

He then noticed that the small boy was trembling slightly and was trying to suppress his tears. Kanda softened his voice a little, "Sorry…"

He reached towards Allen's arm to soothe him. However the boy jerked his arm away with a look of shock then horror as it dawned on him that he had rejected his lover again. He looked up at Kanda and looked away quickly as he saw the hurt expression the samurai's face.

Kanda felt like his heart was being torn apart, bit by bit. He covered his face with his hands and pushed his hair back before releasing the red ribbon which tied it up. He noticed the boy's slight widening of his eyes when he saw Kanda using the ribbon he had given as a present. Kanda crumbled the silk ribbon in his fist and suddenly let go of it. It fluttered feebly before landing on his bed. Allen watched his lover as he lay back in exhaustion.

In silence, they stayed like that for hours. Night came and in the darkness, despite there being no movement or speaking, they knew that the other was just as awake as they were. Kanda listened to Allen's steady breathing, in and out. Allen watched with his darkened silver eyes, the form of his lover's chest rising up and down.

It was only at dawn when the first sign of movement began. Allen had caved in. He knelt noiselessly next to the samurai who lay with his blue black hair haloed around his head. Kanda's stormy blue eyes were closed but he felt the feather-light touch of the younger exorcist.

The silky strands of the silver-haired exorcist touched the samurai's face first. They tickled him and brushed lightly against his eyelashes and eyelids. A breath was felt, cool and sweet smelling, one he had not smelt for a long time. The breath stopped for a second, as though something caught in its owner's throat.

Kanda waited. Would it be too much of a gamble if he just opened his eyes now? He fought against the urge then realised that the pain he felt before was already erased, replaced with a fluttery warmness. He opened his eyes. A pair of soft tender lips had closed upon his. Their owner's eyes were closed and as Kanda opened his eyes, the closeness of their face's resulted in his eyelashes brushing against the paler cheek.

Allen started, he had forgotten in the moment that his lover was still awake. Without opening his eyes, he broke the gentle kiss and lay, curled up next to Kanda. Before long, the samurai heard a quiet snore from the small boy. _Finally at peace huh, stupid beansprout. _He glanced at the peaceful but weary face of the silver haired exorcist. The dark shadows that loomed beneath the closed eyes were framed by thick long lashes. Kanda had never noticed that the beansprout's eyelashes were the same colour as his hair; pure white with areas of light gray.

There was a redness of recent crying evident around his eyes. Allen was paler than usual, probably due to the lack of sleep and food. Kanda's lips jerked into a small smile when his eyes swept across the other's forehead.

The cross had faded away.

_If you marry me,_

_Would you bury me?_

_Would you carry me,_

_To the end?_

A/N:

Hm I hope this story lasts unlike my other one which I think I'll probably never update.  I probably have horrible grammar and lots of mistakes in this because my friends aren't beta-ing it for me (they are incredible betas, they beta one after another to have amazing results.)

This story will probably be updated randomly (sometimes after huge gaps in time) because I started it before my 3 weeks of horror yearlies began).

*I will love you forever if you tell me where I "borrowed" that from.

Please R&R~


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